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Post by DonnaDarko on Jan 22, 2004 19:13:55 GMT -5
This car is small, but these feelings are at the top. Your face is still smooth even though your heart is at a stop. The sky has turned, its turning to the way of my destiny. Its not all clear, not until I wake in my bed, soon I will be free. Laughter rings, it shatters threw all that has been done. And here it comes, the sleep that was never wanted…until I found that gun. Soon the thoughts and knowledge of what has happened will fade. I will end up loosing my love, and maybe more if I don’t undo what I had made. The pillow is soft, the smile is wide, and the sigh is one of relaxation. Dieing alone isn’t all that bad, as long as you don’t take someone with you, as long as there is no devastation. But there is, the devastations of family and friends. The thought of that old lady that will walk across that street again. No memory, no responsibility, and here comes the forgotten pain. Here comes the lost strain. A wave to a person that was the mother of your lost lover. The love that ran deep, the cigarette and running eyeliner that runs from broken sleep. She will not sleep. Her name was fack, but at lest now nothing will break, not a heart, not a bone. Is it really that bad to die alone?
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Post by DonnaDarko on Feb 3, 2004 18:01:17 GMT -5
so................did it suck?
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Post by Sorcha on Feb 8, 2004 6:01:12 GMT -5
Well, there are spelling and grammar mistakes, no meter and a rather broken up rhyme scheme.
Although rhyme isn't important.
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Post by DonnaDarko on Feb 8, 2004 14:42:59 GMT -5
so............good or bad?
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Post by monchichi karate on Feb 12, 2004 15:40:40 GMT -5
i liked it. i see what the other person meant about no metre (but there is no set grammar or spelling in poetry...poetic license), but i feel like sometimes you can't tell wassup unless you hear the poet read it themselves. that said...it didn't "suck" in the slightest
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Post by Sazzy on Feb 19, 2004 7:01:19 GMT -5
Jesus, does everyone in this thread have to attempt to be overly critical about everything? I thought the poem was great, if you didnt then why bother wasting your time replying unless its with constructive criticism! BTW Donna, have read past postings with interest, only watched film for first time at weekend and cant get all the questions I have out of my head Someone said the film is as intelligent as your brain can allow, well I must be pretty dumb then but with a desire to understand.... Surely that's what really counts right?
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Post by DonnaDarko on Mar 1, 2004 18:47:40 GMT -5
WOW, i realy do appreciate everything u guys have said, this is awsome. ;D
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